Bridge has taught me a lot about needs and communication

I play regularly with two partners whom I delight in – and I notice different things with each of them.

With one, there’s a lot of laughter, a wealth of kindness, and a shared understanding when we get it wrong. I so enjoy the depth of fun and respect.

With the other, there’s an extraordinary level of attunement. We sense what the other is doing – and it feels like a beautiful dance (and believe me, that’s a very nice sensation, because beautiful dancing isn’t one of my hallmark capabilities).

With both, there’s a huge amount of trust and support.

When mistakes happen, we can challenge each other with kindness and care.

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But it’s not just the partnerships that teach me something – it’s the opponents too.

Between the three of us, we each get challenged by different things from players on the other side.

⚡ For example, one of us reacts strongly to cheating.

⚡ Another to being judged for getting it wrong.

⚡ And the third to men being overbearing with women.

The same behaviour can be uncomfortable for us all – but we don’t all get triggered in the same way.

That’s because underneath, we each have particular individual needs that are more sensitive.

In Needs Understanding, fingerprint needs are needs that matter to you because of your history, your values, your personality.

When those needs get touched, you feel it more, and you are more likely to react in ways you don't enjoy.

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💡 Tips:

🔴 Notice who triggers you.

Not with blame for either of you, but with awareness.

🟠 Get curious about the need beneath your reaction.

What might really matter to you in that moment, that you might recognise from somewhere in your past?

🟡 Look for patterns.

Is the same need showing up in different situations?

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✨ Naming the need is a first step to creating space to respond with more choice, more care – and less reactivity.

Get a printable needs list here.