How our experience with prizes follows us into adulthood

We need to stop giving children prizes.

⭐ Were you a prize winner at school?

⭐ Or did you sit quietly while others collected the awards?

Whether we won prizes or not, many of us grew up in systems – at school and at home – that rewarded us for being the kind of child adults wanted to celebrate. 

Despite the best intentions of parents and teachers, these systems can contribute to a problematic legacy in adulthood.

🤔 Think about your own experience:

🟢 Did you learn to chase recognition – to seek your value from how others judged you?

🟣 Or find yourself quietly believing you didn’t have as much to offer as those who were recognised?

When I texted my school-leaver daughter this week saying “I hate Speech Day!”, she laughed.

We’ve had a running joke for years: she has to win prizes so I can raise the issue with school without sounding bitter.

🔍 I think it’s time that we take a closer look at how we do Speech Day and prize-giving.

Here’s why:

1️⃣ For those who don’t win, it often leaves a quiet sense of being less than – not quite as valued as the students who walk up to the stage.

2️⃣ For everyone, it reinforces an external locus of valuing – the idea that worth is measured by what others notice and reward.

Prizegiving sends a message:

"What matters is what others see in you.

What’s recognised by those in authority.

What fits into fairly narrow approved categories."

And it leaves out questions like:

🟢 "What do you want to be seen for?"

🟠 "What did you care about this year?"

🟣 "What challenge did you quietly overcome?"

Despite the best intentions, Speech Day often doesn’t celebrate with students – it unconsciously celebrates over them. It can be a spotlight for a few, and a quiet disappointment for the rest.

That’s not how I want community to work.

🌎 Some people say, "That’s just how the world works."

And I agree – it often is.

But I don’t believe children need to rehearse how to endure a flawed system.

I believe they need support to imagine – and help create – something better.

Something more inclusive where everyone can thrive.

🌱 The good news? Some schools are already doing things differently.

🌱 At my daughter’s school, every leaver receives a valedictory report – thoughtful reflections from teachers that go beyond grades.

🌱 Other schools invite children to write messages to one another, creating a shared, mutual celebration of growth.

Let’s focus on ways to celebrate children so that every one of them starts adulthood with a clear sense of who they are – and why they matter.

Picture of me, final school Speech Day. Don't ask about the hat...