How our experience with prizes follows us into adulthood
- Alice Sheldon
- Jun 19
- 2 min read

We need to stop giving children prizes.
⭐ Were you a prize winner at school?
⭐ Or did you sit quietly while others collected the awards?
Whether we won prizes or not, many of us grew up in systems – at school and at home – that rewarded us for being the kind of child adults wanted to celebrate.
Despite the best intentions of parents and teachers, these systems can contribute to a problematic legacy in adulthood.
🤔 Think about your own experience:
🟢 Did you learn to chase recognition – to seek your value from how others judged you?
🟣 Or find yourself quietly believing you didn’t have as much to offer as those who were recognised?
When I texted my school-leaver daughter this week saying “I hate Speech Day!”, she laughed.
We’ve had a running joke for years: she has to win prizes so I can raise the issue with school without sounding bitter.
🔍 I think it’s time that we take a closer look at how we do Speech Day and prize-giving.
Here’s why:
1️⃣ For those who don’t win, it often leaves a quiet sense of being less than – not quite as valued as the students who walk up to the stage.
2️⃣ For everyone, it reinforces an external locus of valuing – the idea that worth is measured by what others notice and reward.
Prizegiving sends a message:
"What matters is what others see in you.
What’s recognised by those in authority.
What fits into fairly narrow approved categories."
And it leaves out questions like:
🟢 "What do you want to be seen for?"
🟠 "What did you care about this year?"
🟣 "What challenge did you quietly overcome?"
Despite the best intentions, Speech Day often doesn’t celebrate with students – it unconsciously celebrates over them. It can be a spotlight for a few, and a quiet disappointment for the rest.
That’s not how I want community to work.
🌎 Some people say, "That’s just how the world works."
And I agree – it often is.
But I don’t believe children need to rehearse how to endure a flawed system.
I believe they need support to imagine – and help create – something better.
Something more inclusive where everyone can thrive.
🌱 The good news? Some schools are already doing things differently.
🌱 At my daughter’s school, every leaver receives a valedictory report – thoughtful reflections from teachers that go beyond grades.
🌱 Other schools invite children to write messages to one another, creating a shared, mutual celebration of growth.
Let’s focus on ways to celebrate children so that every one of them starts adulthood with a clear sense of who they are – and why they matter.
Picture of me, final school Speech Day. Don't ask about the hat...