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How our experience with prizes follows us into adulthood

  • Writer: Alice Sheldon
    Alice Sheldon
  • Jun 19
  • 2 min read
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We need to stop giving children prizes.


⭐ Were you a prize winner at school?

⭐ Or did you sit quietly while others collected the awards?


Whether we won prizes or not, many of us grew up in systems – at school and at home – that rewarded us for being the kind of child adults wanted to celebrate. 


Despite the best intentions of parents and teachers, these systems can contribute to a problematic legacy in adulthood.


🤔 Think about your own experience:

🟢 Did you learn to chase recognition – to seek your value from how others judged you?

🟣 Or find yourself quietly believing you didn’t have as much to offer as those who were recognised?


When I texted my school-leaver daughter this week saying “I hate Speech Day!”, she laughed.


We’ve had a running joke for years: she has to win prizes so I can raise the issue with school without sounding bitter.


🔍 I think it’s time that we take a closer look at how we do Speech Day and prize-giving.


Here’s why:


1️⃣ For those who don’t win, it often leaves a quiet sense of being less than – not quite as valued as the students who walk up to the stage.

2️⃣ For everyone, it reinforces an external locus of valuing – the idea that worth is measured by what others notice and reward.


Prizegiving sends a message:

"What matters is what others see in you.

What’s recognised by those in authority.

What fits into fairly narrow approved categories."


And it leaves out questions like:

🟢 "What do you want to be seen for?"

🟠 "What did you care about this year?"

🟣 "What challenge did you quietly overcome?"


Despite the best intentions, Speech Day often doesn’t celebrate with students – it unconsciously celebrates over them. It can be a spotlight for a few, and a quiet disappointment for the rest.


That’s not how I want community to work.


🌎 Some people say, "That’s just how the world works."


And I agree – it often is.


But I don’t believe children need to rehearse how to endure a flawed system.


I believe they need support to imagine – and help create – something better.


Something more inclusive where everyone can thrive.


🌱 The good news? Some schools are already doing things differently.

🌱 At my daughter’s school, every leaver receives a valedictory report – thoughtful reflections from teachers that go beyond grades.

🌱 Other schools invite children to write messages to one another, creating a shared, mutual celebration of growth.


Let’s focus on ways to celebrate children so that every one of them starts adulthood with a clear sense of who they are – and why they matter.


Picture of me, final school Speech Day. Don't ask about the hat...

 
 
 
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