When you want to help but are afraid you'll say the wrong thing

You know that moment when someone shares something vulnerable… and your mind goes blank?

You really want to help. But you worry that if you speak, you’ll say the wrong thing.

Here’s what often happens in situations like this:

Our focus turns automatically inward – onto our own discomfort and away from the other person’s feelings.

"What if I mess this up? What if I make it worse?"

What can help is to notice what has happened and gently turn our attention back to them.

This Quick Tip explores this more – or you can read the transcript if you prefer:

💭 Introduction: You know when someone shares something they feel vulnerable about and you don't know what to say?

You really want to help, and you’re worried you'll say the wrong thing.

So how can you respond supportively?

💭 Main Tip: In those moments, what tends to happen subconsciously is that our focus turns towards our own discomfort, rather than staying on the other person.

If you can notice that happening, you can start to gently shift your attention back.

💭 Example: Let's imagine that a colleague breaks down and tells you about a sudden unexpected loss.

You don't know what to say.

One thing which can help you to redirect your attention away from you and back to them is just to name what's happening: “I really don’t know exactly what to say, but I’m really here and listening.”

💭 Over to You: Next time you’re lost for words, be gentle with yourself and your natural response to turn inwards. And try staying present anyway - notice what shifts when you stop searching for the right response — and just try to stay with the person.

💭 Closing: You really don’t need the right words. It’s just a case of being there as best you can in that moment.