What if the real problem isn't disagreement – but how we frame it?

Too many conversations at work and beyond aren’t about solving problems. Consciously or otherwise, they’re about winning.

We see it every day in the news:

• One side.

• The other side.

• A back-and-forth of scoring points rather than seeking understanding.

Sometimes, it’s built into the structure itself. The UK Parliament, for example, literally places the two sides of the House opposite each other – a visual metaphor for the opposition paradigm.

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In the opposition paradigm, we get so focused on being right – or on our way of solving the problem – that we can lose sight of the needs on both sides.

So what’s the alternative?

In the partnership paradigm:

• We stop treating people with different views as adversaries

• We name what really matters to us – and get curious about what really matters to them

• We look for a way forward that takes care of all the needs on the table – ours together with theirs

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This doesn’t mean giving up on your clarity or your values. It might challenge you to consider the strategies you’re each pursuing – whilst encouraging you to hold onto the needs that are precious to you.

It means approaching tough conversations from the stance:

“How do we solve this in a way that really works for both of us?”

rather than “How do I win?” or “How do I get a better deal than you?”

Please do let me know how you experience opposition and partnership ways of approaching problems.