Set a boundary, not a wall

You might have heard this: “Set a boundary, not a wall.” But what does that actually mean in a workplace conversation?

When something feels too much, it’s easy to snap or shut down. But there's a big difference between a boundary and a wall.

🛑 A wall is a reaction that tends to push people out.

🟢 A boundary is a choice that protects your needs – without disconnecting from others.

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Let’s say your boss asks you to take on more work.

🛑 Wall: 

“I’m always the one who’s asked. I’m not doing this anymore.”

(Walks off. No dialogue. No path forward.)

🟢 Boundary:

“I want to help – and I’m at capacity right now. Would you like me to suggest some other options?”

(Clear. Relational. Leaves space for both people’s needs.)

A boundary says: “Here’s what I need so I can stay in dialogue with you.”

A wall says: “I’m out – I don’t feel safe enough to stay.”

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Boundaries are about clarity, sustainability, and care – for you and the relationship. When we don’t name our limits, resentment builds and relationships suffer. 

Setting a boundary isn’t selfish or harsh. It’s a way of saying: “I want to stay in dialogue with you, and this is what I need to make that possible.”

Boundaries allow trust to grow on a foundation of honesty, choice, and care.

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Credit as always to Lily Horseman for this illustration on setting a boundary from 'Why weren't we taught this at school?'