One question to ask when you are stuck in a repeating argument

You know those conversations where you just can't resolve an issue?

You’re both speaking and going round in circles.

You are getting more frustrated by the minute.

🟡 Main Tip:

Often, what keeps us stuck is that we’re arguing over positions – what each of us wants to happen.

We need to move to understanding why it matters.

A simple but powerful question to ask in these moments is:

“What’s most important to you about this?”

That question invites a move from strategy to need.

That’s where real progress becomes possible.

🟢 Example:

Let’s say a colleague insists that a report needs to be finalised today, and you feel pressured or confused by the urgency.

Instead of pushing back, you could ask:

“What’s most important to you about finishing it today?”

They might respond:

“I just need to know we’re not falling behind again.”

Suddenly, it’s not about the deadline – it’s about restoring trust in the wider process. Now you’re working on the real issue.

🔵 Over to You:

This week, if you find yourself in a conversation that’s going nowhere, try asking:

“What’s most important to you about this?” or "What really matters to you here" or whatever fits for you.

Then just listen and see if the direction changes.