Have you ever found yourself arguing just to prove you're right—only to realize you’ve lost sight of the real issue? When we get caught up in winning rather than solving, it’s a sign to pause and look deeper.
Here’s a quick tip to help you shift from proving a point to actually addressing what matters.
💭 Introduction: Have you ever found yourself arguing intensely, only to later realize that the outcome wasn’t actually what was most important to you? Sometimes, what’s fueling the argument isn’t the issue itself—it’s the need underneath it.
💭 Main Tip: Next time you are arguing for your point, pause afterwards and try asking yourself: What do I actually need here? Do I need to feel heard? Respected? Empowered? Once we identify that, we may realise that winning isn’t what we actually want - we just need to express the need more clearly.
💭 Example: For example, imagine a heated debate about a team decision. You find yourself pushing strongly for your way. But if you pause and ask, 'What do I really need?', you might realize it’s not actually about the decision—it’s about feeling valued and taken seriously. Once that’s clear, you can shift from arguing to expressing your need directly, like “It’s important to me that my concerns are really heard before we decide.”
💭 Over to You: This week, if you feel yourself pushing to “win” an argument, I’d encourage you to take a moment to check in: What’s the need underneath this for me? Notice what shifts if you focus on that instead. I really encourage you to try this after the event at least to start with when you are practising.
💭 Closing: Not every disagreement needs a winner. Sometimes, real resolution comes from understanding what’s driving us. Let me know how this goes for you!
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