Are you a natural problem solver, or a validator? A colleague tells you āIām so frustrated with this process!ā Will you make suggestions of what to do, or focus on how they feel?
Both advising and validating can be extremely helpful for good conversations and better solutions. But they tend to come at different stages of supporting someone.
š Introduction: When someone shares a problem, are you more likely to offer a way forward, or to validate their feelings? Both can be really helpful, and knowing when to use each of them can make all the difference to successful, connecting conversations.
š Main Tip: Validation involves acknowledging the other personās experience, whilst problem-solving focuses on the actions they might want to take. It usually helps to start with validation to build trust and understanding, and then explore solutions if and when theyāre ready.
š Example: For example, if a colleague says, āIām so frustrated with this process,ā instead of immediately offering your perspective or advice, you could respond, āThat sounds really tough. I can see why itās so frustrating.ā Once they feel heard, thatās the time to ask, āWould it help to brainstorm some ideas to make it easier?ā
š Over to you: This week, if you are a problem solver by nature, try validating someoneās feelings before offering solutions. Start with phrases like, āThat sounds difficult,ā or, āI can see why youād feel that way.ā If you are a validator, then take time to notice the point at which you move from validation to solutions in your conversation. Itās easy to wait longer than is welcome to the other person.
š Closing: Let me know how this tip works for you!
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